Liverpool vs West Ham Preview: Hammers face existential crisis

With just over three quarters of the season complete, the Hammers find themselves happily positioned comfortably above the relegation battle and needing to pick up just a few points here and there in order to fully complete their primary mission for the season by ensuring Premiership survival.

 

However, the apparent lack of pressure appears to be posing a challenge for some of the Bubbles gang, who are finding it hard to fill in the free time. While former Hammer, Paulo Di Canio is wrestling with the semantics of fascism, Big Sam and his boys have turned to the philosophy of existentialism to try and give the remainder of the season some meaning.

  

Top Hammers sports psychologist, Heimreich von Pseudobabble, has highlighted the absurdity of the Hammers mid table position and expressed deep concerns over the potentially  devastating awareness of meaninglessness  that may befall the squad. Some evidence for a growing existential angst may be evident in Big Sam’s mysterious ocular haematoma, which far from representing the fallout from a ‘domestic’ or other minor occurrence, may represent a deep unconscious desire to escape form all this pointlessness.

Meanwhile, Bob Crapbogs has lashed out at all this psychological lassitude by reminding the Hammers that they haven’t won at Anfield for 50 years. Now there’s a reason to get motivated for today’s lunchtime encounter.