Sam Speechless as Police Called in to Investigate

 

The proceedings at Upton Park seemed pretty routine yesterday as the Hammers again struggled against lesser opposition but, like better sides do, managed to get ahead through a piece of brilliance. Sunderland, meanwhile, were experiencing the frustrations of relegation-threatened sides by dominating but without seeming able to convert their increasing number of opportunities.

At such times the great and the gifted step up. These are the valiant men who can change the game, upset the pattern of things and create success where frustration had prevailed. Sunderland needed such a player, one with the chutzpah to take responsibility and try the unexpected. As their fans searched down the team sheet they came to Wahbi Khazri - the one player who had looked likely to provide that moment of genius.

With a matter of mere minutes left on the clock, Khazri came marauding down the left side of the Hammers box and looking up spied an onrushing team-mate in space. Instead of succumbing to the obvious - he spurned the simple pass across the box, instead opting for a swashbuckling manoeuvre that would kickstart a flamboyant thrust for glory for his beloved Black Cats. There would be no simple cross from Khazri - no, my friends, he opted for a scintillating and bodacious RRRRRRRABONA!!!!!...

and duly fell over himself as he miskicked the ball into touch.

The Police are presently conducting a thorough search of Upton Park and the surrounding area for any evidence of his credibility but so far have drawn a blank. Big Sam has refused to comment for fear of saying something he might regret!